by Serina Bird
The Beatles may have sung ‘Money Can’t Buy You Love’, but that’s not what marketers will tell you. Romance is big business, and with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, opportunities to spend to show your love are everywhere.
According to a recent survey, Australians are expected to spend $377 million on Valentine’s Day gifts. Note that this is just gifts; I would expect that wining and dining would amount to even more.
My husband, a frugalista just like me, remarked that he thinks Valentine’s Day is just a marketing ploy, as February (falling between Christmas and Easter) is traditionally a slow month for retail. Too much of a cynic? He believes that when you are in love, you should celebrate that every day rather than having a special (commercial) day.
Once upon a time, people met and fell in love and married and it was straight forward. But these days there is more to it – including spending more money. I met my husband online. He was instantly attracted to me because I spent money on a stamp to talk to him (apparently, I was the first woman to do so). I feel guilty to admit it, but I was on four online dating sites at the time. And each one of them cost money.
The online dating business is forecast to be worth USD $12 billion by 2020. Forbes values Bumble at around US $1 billion, while Match Group (which owns Tinder and several other online dating sites) generated US $1.3 billion in revenue in 2017 (some estimates put its market capitalisation at nearly US $12 billion alone). Some online sites are gold-mining operations with substantial entry fees, while others earn their money in indirect ways such as through the sale of data.
But your contribution to their business is not the only cost. When you meet your special someone, you are likely to want to attract him or her by projecting an image of yourself as affluent with money to splash. Things like romantic (and expensive) dinners out and long-stemmed red roses are sold as the way to win someone’s heart.
In the traditional model, if a man wants to proceed to marriage, he would propose with a diamond ring (which marketers tell us should equal two months of his wage). Then there would be an engagement party, then eventually a wedding that can cost up to $65,000; many weddings cost more.
Is it little wonder, with all of these social pressures to spend to buy love, that many young couples struggle to save for a deposit for a home? Or delay having children because of the cost? And is it little wonder that the number one cause of relationship breakdown is money woes?
Although Australia is one of the most affluent countries in the world, enjoying 27 years of uninterrupted economic growth, I find it sad that couples and families are struggling to pay their bills. It is so easy to be critical but many of us are just reacting to social pressure. The constant message is that we need ‘things’ to make someone else happy. For instance, our calendar is littered with events that require special presents – birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and Christmas.
With money and relationships, it’s not actually about the dollars and cents, but the values that underpin them. People spend and invest in different ways based on how they were brought up and what was important to them. A spouse wanting a big house, for instance, probably expresses his (or her) desire to provide a comfortable life for a family. A wife who doesn’t want to talk about money might be acting that way because her parents argued all the time; maybe her mother went out shopping as a form of retail therapy to improve her shattered sense of self-esteem. Consciously or not, good or bad, we bring into our relationships the values and lessons that we observed while growing up.
A successful relationship involves trust, and part of that is the ability to have open and honest conversations about money. This requires listening as well as talking, and understanding to find common ground and mutual goals. If you can’t have the talk, it could indicate trouble.
My husband remarked the other day that if one party is hiding things money wise, or absolutely refusing to talk about where money has gone, then maybe that person is hiding other issues as well. I don’t have hard evidence to back up his observation, but I do believe that talking about money – and working together as a couple – is key to a successful relationship. Being open to sharing the realities of your financial situation can feel vulnerable and requires courage. I have met many couples who have dated, bought homes or other investments with each other and even had children – yet who can’t have that important money talk. It could even be worth going for that all important money health check, to see where you are with your finances as a couple, so you can move forward. Just contact my friends at Summerland and arrange an appointment.
This Valentine’s Day consider having the money talk with your beloved – even better go on a cheap date such as a picnic to a beautiful location. Sure, it might not seem as exclusive as an expensive night out. But to my mind, there is nothing more romantic than planning a financial life together. I would much rather go on a cheap date with a man who had a financial plan for buying a home together and retiring early in style, than with someone who romanced me at an expensive French restaurant paid for on a credit card.
Serina Bird is a mother of two, recently remarried, who writes about saving money and living abundantly in her book The Joyful Frugalista: hundreds of secrets from a single mum turned millionaire.